Skip to main content

Romance and Recipes--Cooking Disasters

kitchen failWhy did she have to make the bread?  Everything would have been fine without the bread.  Everyone told her making bread was a BAD idea.  But did she listen?  No.  She just had to make bread.  Now, her kitchen--not to mention her lungs--was charred, she was minus one eyebrow, and her cat was cowering in the corner.
It wasn't her fault, though.  She blamed pinterest.  All those "easy" recipes and pretty pictures of delicately braided breads.  Easy her ass.  She didn't know what went wrong.  One minute she was praying for her dough to rise and the next the kitchen was on fire!  How does that even happen?
There was an upside, though.  At least the firemen were hot.

We've all read situations like this.  In the Sugar Cookie Sweetheart Swap, one of the heroines attempted to make cookies and set her kitchen on fire only to be rescued by the hero, a firefighter.  That's just the most recent example I could think of at the moment.  Within the last couple of weeks I've had more than my fair share of Kitchen Disasters and I thought I would share them with you.

Coffee Cake Crisis:


I recently found a recipe for coffee cake and it looked fairly easy, so I decided to try it myself.  Big mistake.  Everything was actually going alright until I got to the last step.  Somehow, I confused the bowls with the filling and the topping and wound up putting the topping in the middle of the cake.  So, what does any inexperienced baker do?  I panicked.  I grabbed the entire filling, which was supposed to be crumbled, and stuck it right in the middle of the batter.  Then, using my bare hands, I pushed it down into the batter and tried to spread it out.  I have no idea what I thought I was going to do, but whatever it was, it didn't work.  After it baked up, it was way too sweet, probably because the filling was intact.  It wasn't so bad that we had to throw it away, but I won't be making it again any time soon.


Caramel Catastrophe:


Last Saturday, I attempted to make a caramel sauce from scratch.  I had all my ingredients ready--the cream was warming in the background just like it said to do online (because when you put cold cream in a pot of hot sugar water, apparently bad things happen) and I combined the sugar and the water in a medium sized sauce pot (the same one I used whenever I make marinara sauce).  Unfortunately, I misread the instructions and instead of leaving the sugar in a sandy, grainy state, I completely dissolved it in the water.  Not good.  Within minutes, the kitchen was so smokey that I had to open all the windows, the patio door, and the apartment door.  Because I was waiting for the water to turn amber, I ended up boiling it down to the point where the entire bottom of the pot was black.  Yikes! Five days later and I'm still trying to rehabilitate it.  (Oven cleaner is doing a fairly decent job, but there are some resistant spots.)


Pizza Panic:


Not learning from Saturday's disaster, I decided to make a pizza.  From scratch.  I've made a few pizzas using store bought dough in the past, but this time I wanted to make everything myself--dough included.  I found a recipe online and everything looked alright, except it didn't seem to be rising.  According to the other reviewers online, that was normal.  It wasn't supposed to appear to rise until it was time to roll it out and even at that point, it shouldn't rise that much.  My first clue that something was wrong was when the recipe said to  cut the dough in half and store the unused portion for later use.  Well, that wasn't really possible with my dough.  I had to use it all, which is probably why it didn't cook right.  I ended up having to order an actual pizza.  Oh, the humanity.


Unlike in books, none of my disasters led to a meet-cute with an awesomely hot fireman, but I hope you guys found them amusing.  Anything for my readers. :)

Comments

  1. Last week, I made bread dough, let it rise twice, and set it in the cold oven until I got home from errands. An hour later, I received a panicking text from my husband, who came home to find bread dough taking over the oven. I told him to turn on the oven and bake it on the highest temp for 15 minutes. Well, I came home to a new and interesting type of flatbread. Apparently, my weird foreign Celsius oven goes waaayyy past the highest marked setting. He had just turned the dial until it stopped turning-- at about 300* Celsius. Next time, I'll leave better directions or plan my day in advance!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Have you ever seen the Home Ec episode of Family Matters? Laura and Urkle had to make bread and the dough flooded the classroom? That's the first thing that went through my head when reading this.

    I wish I realized how hard it is to get dough to do what you want it to do.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ha ha! No, I haven't, but I think I need to now.

    ReplyDelete
  4. There's probably a clip on YouTube.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Throwback Review: The Dream Trilogy by Nora Roberts

There are some books that stick with you no matter how long it has been since you first read them.  For me, the Dream Trilogy has always been in the back of my head.  I probably read them a good 15 years ago and the last time was a good 10 years back.  As a matter of fact, that trilogy was part of the first round of books I purchased when I got my first kindle for my 24th birthday (I never actually read it after buying the digital version; I guess I just needed to know that I could read them if I wanted.


The first book of the trilogy, Daring to Dream, was released in 1996 when I was just 10 years old and more concerned with passing math (I did, but not without many a night of struggling to remember what the E in PEMDAS meant) than I was with the goings on of fictional characters inside the pages of a book.  In fact, if I read at all during that time period it was to get a free pan pizza through Pizza Hut and the Book It! program.  I've mentioned this a few times before, but I act…

Blog Tour: Excerpt and Review of "Lord of Chance" by Erica Ridley

Title: Lord of Chance Author: Erica Ridley ISBN: 1943794049 Publisher: Webmotion Series: Rogues to Riches #1 Price: $7.99 (paperback) $3.99 (e-book) $9.97 (Audible Audio)
Rating: ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ 





I was recently given the opportunity to take part in a Blog Tour for the newest Erica Ridley novel, Lord of Chance, and as I've liked her books in the past, I decided to do it.  The publisher quickly provided me with  a whole folder full of goodies, so without further ado:
The Excerpt
'Charlotte harrumphed to hide her amusement. “How are you at pressing wrinkles from gowns?” “Let me assure you,” Mr. Fairfax informed her with utter seriousness, “that I have never worn a wrinkled gown in all my life.” “Very gentlemanly.” She tried not to smile. “Let’s see your skill as maid-of-all-work, then. My gowns are in the wardrobe, as is my traveling iron. See what you can do.” “At your service.” He bowed, then turned and marched to the wardrobe like a soldier off to war. Now that he couldn’t see her, she let her…

Review of "The Thing About Love" by Julie James

Title: The Thing About Love
Author: Julie James
ISBN: 0425273776
Publisher: Berkley
Series: FBI/US Attorney Book #7
Price: $10.99 (paperback) $8.99 (e-book) $15.74 (Audible Audio)
Rating: ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ 1/2

From The Publisher
Two undercover FBI agents can hide who they are from everyone but each other in the latest novel from the New York Times bestselling author of Suddenly One Summer.
After spending six years in Los Angeles—and the last six months wondering how her marriage fell apart—FBI Special Agent Jessica Harlow is looking for a fresh start. When she finds out that the Chicago field office has an opening for an undercover agent, returning to her hometown seems like the perfect answer. But her new partner, John Shepherd, is someone she never expected to see again. Six years ago, the cocky Army Ranger was her top competition at the FBI Academy, and the one man who got under her skin like no other. 
Just one assignment away from joining the FBI's elite Hostage Rescue Team, John isn't g…

Review of "New York, Actually" by Sarah Morgan

Title: New York, Actually
Author: Sarah Morgan
ISBN: 0373804105
Publisher: HQN Books
Series: From Manhattan with Love #4
Price: $5.98 (Paperback) $5.99 (e-book) $19.96 (Audible)
Rating: 🐶🐶🐶🐶1/2


If you follow me on social media, you'll have seen my posts about this book over the last week.  For the most part, they weren't very positive -- until about 20% into the book, I hated the hero.  If I could have set him on fire, I probably would have.  It was only Ms. Morgan's prose and the fact that I had been looking forward to this book for 6 months that kept me reading.  For once, I am glad I was so wrong about a character.

From the PublisherOne man. One woman. Two dogs.  Meet Molly—New York's most famous advice columnist, she considers herself an expert at relationships…as long as they're other people's. Still bruised from her last breakup, Molly is in no rush to find happily-ever-after—the only love of her life is her dalmatian, Valentine.  Meet Daniel—A cynical divorce …

Review of "Pretty Face" by Lucy Parker

Pretty Face is pretty fucking awesome.  There, I said it.  I first picked it up based on all the squeeing about Ms. Parker's first book, Act Like It, which I am sad to say, I still have not read, despite said squeeing.  I don't usually read books by authors I know are British and I'm sure this comes from all those stuffy classics I had to read in high school.  Granted, many of those classics were written by American authors (I still have nightmares about reading Moby Dick--Mr Sullivan, if you are out there and have stumbled on my blog, I'm sorry, but Melville was an awful writer, who used the English language as a torture device), but still, there seems to be some type of block in my brain that stops me from wanting to read something by a British author.  I'm glad I made an exception for Ms. Parker.

Luc Savage is in the middle of a crisis: he can't find anyone to play Elizabeth I in the new play that he is producing.  While he's used to dealing with actors…